To Have Something
by WorkandHotdogs
Summary: Tag for Smoke and Mirrors. A moment between Nick and Zoe.


_**A/N: Hello lovely readers! Sorry I've been MIA recently; work has taken over my life and the lack of any Mr J (until now) didn't help my muse much. I just want to say thank you for your continued support; it always makes writing that much more fun, knowing someone is enjoying reading my stuff as much as I love writing it.**_

_** This is a tag for the end of Smoke and Mirrors. **_

"If she's still alive, I've got something. If I let her go..."_ I have nothing._

Zoe's heart was thumping in her chest. Yes. She knew exactly what he meant. That thought had been whirling around her own mind from the moment she'd found out Nick was ill. She couldn't help but watch him go, watch him follow his heart and hear hers break for the umpteenth time. Zoe took a deep breath, trying to will the tears away. In the end, she gave up and retreated to her office, away from the scrutiny of the clinical white lights.

* * *

Hours had passed her by with little consequence. Zoe had buried herself amongst paperwork that would distract her from the barrage of emotion that Nick Jordan had brought back into her life. He was like a tornado and there she was in the middle of the ocean clinging to a tiny life raft. One day soon she was going to fall in. The question was, would he let her drown?

She pinched the bridge of her nose. A migraine was setting in. Rummaging through her, no his, desk drawers in search of painkillers proved futile. Instead she got up from the office chair and plucked her handbag from down the side of the sofa. She battled her way through her belongings until she laid hands on the box she wanted. The two tablets were washed back with a glass of water. They'd take a while to kick in no doubt so she let herself sit back on the leather cushions and relax for a while.

* * *

Yvonne was almost as pale as the sheets she lay on when Nick entered the room. He sat down on the chair next to her bed and took her barely warm hand in his.

He felt a tear slip down his cheek. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. A selfish part of him wished that their places were reversed so he didn't have to feel this pain anymore.

Is this how Zoe felt when she'd held her bedside vigil all those years ago? He took a deep breath and shook his head. He couldn't let his thoughts wander any further than that. He studied Yvonne's features and wished with every part of him that the colour would return to her cheeks, her eyes would open and she would smile at him again. There was a tiny part of him that reminded him that prolonging her life like this just wasn't fair, that she wasn't going to wake up, and that he should stop thinking about his fear and heartache and just let her go. Listening to that voice just wasn't an option.

Hours later a nurse ushered him from the room saying he should get some rest. When he made to protest she put a hand on his arm and promised she'd call him if anything changed. He bowed his head in defeat. His cracked, dry lips pressed to Yvonne's forehead before he left.

* * *

Somehow he found himself standing outside Zoe's office. Nick tried the door and when he found it wasn't locked he let himself in. Barely a step into the room he saw Zoe curled up on the sofa. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. She always did look beautiful when she was asleep.

He closed the door behind him and took a few steps further into the room. Positive he'd not made a sound when he'd entered, he was startled to see brown eyes blinking up at him.

"Nick?" She said softly, moving so there was room for him to sit down.

He took the seat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

She shook her head, hair fanning lightly as she did. "It's fine. I was just having a nap to try and help the painkillers kick in."

He smiled. "One of the joys of the job; the constant headache that is Holby's E.D."

Zoe smiled back at him and nodded.

"How's Yvonne?"

Nick was grateful she hadn't called him out on why he'd suddenly turned up in her office. "She'd stable but the nurses wouldn't let me stay. They mentioned something about rest."

"I thought rest was only a myth."

He nodded.

Silence rolled over them. Zoe never usually felt uncomfortable around Nick, no matter what situation they were in, but there was something there now that made her just want to run away.

As soon as she felt him rest his head on her shoulder her heart silenced the doubts in her head. He needed her and this was not the time for her to shy away from that. Zoe's arm instinctively went around his back and her hand rubbed soothing circles through the fabric of his jacket. She lay her cheek on his head and closed her eyes.

"Is this what you felt Zoe, when you were at St. James's with me?" His voice was barely audible.

She nodded, feeling the softness of his hair against her cheek and whispered. "Yes." _If you feel for her even half of what I felt, no, feel for you then yes._

Tears were stinging his eyes again. Zoe tipped his chin so he was looking at her. "That's what we do for the people we love."

Nick nodded again then settled back against Zoe.

In the moments after they found themselves lying down on the sofa, Nick cuddled into Zoe.

She would allow him this if he took strength from it. Zoe knew what it was like to go through this alone. From what she'd heard there was a very real chance that Yvonne wouldn't survive and so Zoe would give him this comfort. She made a mental vow that no matter what happened she would be standing by his side giving him her support. There they lay, half asleep for the rest of the evening until Zoe's pager beeped. She'd had to untangle herself from him and leave Nick sitting in the dark. Alone.

When she returned an hour later all she found was a note. it simply read, "Thank you."

_**A/N: There we have. Short and sweet. I hope you liked it!**_


End file.
